I find I relate the most with Paul as unlikely as that might be. His words move me and speak directly to my soul.

I was going through a period in my life when I wanted to change, to do good but I couldn’t not matter how hard I tried or how much I prayed I just couldn’t seem to resist temptation. I came across Romans 7:14-25 and literally couldn’t believe that I was reading exactly what I was feeling.

what I don’t understand about myself is that I decide one way, but then I act another, doing things I absolutely despise. 

There is no explanation for the perfection behind my thinking and those words. The llife behind the words. The movement, the impact.

I started attending a group at my church a 20/30s bible study and met a young woman similar in age and our current walk in faith and she said something interesting to me. She said that when something or someone is bothering her she looks within at the message God is trying to show her. For example someone is disrespecting you could it be that maybe in another area of your life you’re disrespecting someone? Quite possibly maybe even yourself? Could it be that you’re doing the very thing you despise?

I can’t be trusted to figure out what is best for myself and then do it, it becomes obvious that God’s command is necessary. 

I reached a pivotal point in my position with Christ. I’ve overcome that self righteous attitude I once carried and instead allowed God to have his way in my soul. I realized that my own will, will only lead me to the pleasure of now, today, this moment. It will not take the desire of my heart and wait because my flesh is impatient. It will cause my desire to shift to whatever is accessible at this moment. The only time I have ever been able to commit to tomorrow with my future and hopes in perfect eyesight is when my eyes are fixed on God.

I am easily distracted and the second I glance over I will stumble but you see I know that if I focus on my heavenly father he WILL help me stay steady. I know this from experience, suicidal thoughts and actions, addictions, loss, heartbreak, motherhood, friendships all of these God has given me the ability to focus on.

I was blind but now I see. It hit me one day as if my vision became clear I was living with my eyes wide shut I was denying  my existence.  I was covering pain with drugs, insecurities with lust loss with lonely. I didnt see what was in front of me because I was looking back and down, left and right. I was so consumed with what I lost, who was still with me and how I could forget everything that I didn’t bother to look up. I didn’t think help was a choice for me because I didn’t want to see. Sitting in my sorrow was easier for the moment.  Eventually I got tired of chasing my own tail, getting nowhere. Could it really hurt to ask for His help? My answer, it won’t hurt AT ALL, it just might be the peace you’ve been craving.

GOD is near to the brokenhearted and he heard every cry. This world is hard and focusing on God does not remove you from the world, He simply raises your head, fixes your gaze and helps you focus on Him. His way for us is more then we could ever imagine. Our creator, designer and engineer. Doesn’t he know us best? Didn’t he make us to do what he wants? And yet with such grace allowed us to chose? Gave us free will to decide if this is real?

“No one who trusts God like this -heart and soul- will ever regret it.”

I don’t know about you but I have MANY regrets.

Not one of them is choosing to follow Jesus. How can you regret something that doesn’t pressure you into staying? I don’t feel like I have to submit I feel like I want to submit. I feel like God has heard every one of my cries and never ignored me. With or without a response he told me he listens. Good and bad times he’s covered me in peace. On occasion, before knowing Him I thought of good news as my lucky day, unaware of His secret admirer tendencies. He does it all and yet takes no credit. How can I turn my gaze from someone so mysterious and yet I feel at home?

In this way we are like the various parts of a human body. Each part gets its meaning from the body as whole, not the other way around. 

And again, do you see what I see? He who is the creator of all things won’t do it alone. The good deeds, the glory, the love, the honor. He wants none of it unless it’s shared. With YOU!

#Jesus #Christian #God #faith 


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s